5 Regrets From MMIX (that's 2009 in fancy speak)

Paul Anka got it all wrong when he penned the words, "Regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention". Bollocks has had a few regrets in 2009 and just enough to mention in this here web log.
We all know what Anka rhymes with.


5. The demise of the Slovak koruna probably isn't in everyone's list of 2009 regrets but we at Bollocks feel it deserves a place here if only out of sympathy; it really was the little currency that couldn't. Lasting just over fourteen years, Slovakia's currency was shunted on January 1st for the Euro (bully).
It really is a travesty but luckily korunas can be exchanged at your local NBS (National Bank of Slovakia) branch until 2013. Phew!


4. This petition was rejected by the British government:
'We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Protect British Culture - Protect British Boosh.' This was rejected as it is not inside the remit of the government but it should be. American broadcasters are bidding for rights to make a local version of the Mighty Boosh which is a hideous idea but this goes much deeper than Boosh. For too long Yanks have been stealing ideas and making shoddy attempts at British (and Australian - Kath and Kim is one shining example) shows, most of which were originally intended as comedies but become something far more sinister in the home of the brave.
Kirstie Alley was cast in a pilot for a remake of The Vicar of Dibley reimagined as The Minister Of Devine, which hardly deserves to be set in italics because it doesn't exist. Executives stated the show lacked a crucial quality - it wasn't funny. And that's saying something judging by the tripe they allow on American television.
Germans aren't exempt from this either, commissioning Das iTeam, their version of The IT Crowd. It was cancelled shortly after airing. Seems like they just couldn't fight facts: Germans aren't funny.


3. 2009's resolutions weren't kept which is a shame because Bollocks was really determined this year! On New Year's Day we sat down and outlined 5 things we'd like to do this year and now, 2 days from 2010, all bar four (so one) were kept. No. 5 was easy on paper - grow a beard, but proved harder than Kanye keeping his opinions to himself. In at No. 4 we had 'give country music a go'. We boiled the kettle, sat down and put on Keith Urban's Somebody Like You. The music stopped at the line "I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made". Glad you could forgive yourself Keithy, we couldn't.
No. 3 stated we had to watch a sunrise. Suffice to say we didn't and settled instead for Channel 7's Sunrise. You have to get up just as early and it's just as painful to watch for prolonged periods. Mission No. 2 for this year was to finish a cryptic crossword. One of many clues that stumped us was 'Greetings Mrs Marples (said to be an unprepossessing creature)'. Quit the riddles and say what you mean crossword!
Admittedly the one resolution we kept was never in doubt, but in hindsight doesn't actually make any sense. It read 'don't break this resolution'. We're still scratching our heads.


2. Revelation is Peter Andre's "comeback" album. Peter, mate, wherever you've come back from, could you not have stayed there? Bollocks cannot verify this but we heard you were in prison for three years for abuse to music. Please confirm or deny.
We have not listened to the album, having only briefly considered purchase for use as a coaster, but can tell by song titles alone that this is a ripper of a release. Track four, The Way You Move (Up In Here) shows Pete's party side, track eight Outta Control shows his rebellious side (see what he did there joining 'out' and 'of' together? Such a bad ass), and track nine displays his lovin' side: XOXO.
For us he hits the nail on the head with track six, Go Back. Ponce.


1. This guy:

Two years since his inauguration and Bollocks still cannot find the words to aptly describe Kevin Michael Rudd. The closest we can come is smarmy prat.