Open Letter To Braggers

This is an open letter to the braggers out there.


Every so often I come across your type; loud, talkative, uninterested in those around them but strangely entertaining, like watching a building implode. You will happily control a conversation on your terms, letting everyone in earshot know how much you earn or where you've been or who you've met.


I don't care.


You'll get frustrated when a new topic arises and it doesn't revolve around you. Thinking quickly you'll find a tenuous link as to how it does relate to you, thus swiftly guiding the chat to your side of the court.


I don't care.


A third person joins the discussion. A breath of fresh air. A different voice for just five minutes at least. But no, instead you regale him or her with the same tales of nothingness you've just dumped on me. I'm sure we're all impressed with your salary that is so much greater than ours.


I don't care.


There comes a point where I start to think that not only is this laborious to listen to, but it is not possible that these conquests, scenarios and encounters actually happened. So you're a fishmonger by trade but also designed an airport, rode military aircraft, argued with celebrities over unpaid fees and are buying a Jaguar because you have to. The list goes on. You have travelled to every continent on earth (and presumably some that have not yet been discovered), you also designed something that is top secret so you are forbidden from revealing its details.


You are not James Bond.


Not content with just unloading this mostly usless information on us, you treat everything like a competition. Saying "I won" when you complete a task that no one else attempted does not seem fair. But please, take all the glory, of which there is none to take.


You are a tool.


How you have the hide to then complain about your situation is beyond me and oh so irksome. "Oh I have to travel overseas with my $150,000/year and classic car but it's going to be cold." Buy a fur coat and gold-plated slippers you twat.


Such a tool.


But I will say this: Thanks for the entertainment, prawns and beer.