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The Great Unwashed

I saw a man today wash his hands under cold water for between one and two seconds, no soap necessary. This for him constituted a wash. This for me constituted a waste of time; if you're going to do that you may as well not do it at all. It also meant that whoever and whatever he came in contact with from then on was going to get a handful of healthy germs smeared on them. All he achieved in doing this was giving bacteria a bath.
The World Health Organisation recommends we wash our hands for between 15 and 20 seconds. Many world governments offer posters, pamphlets and press releases regarding hand washing. These actually show us step-by-step how to clean ourselves properly.What's most amazing about this is the fact that they have to do it. What kind of society needs to be told? Why are people not bothered about their hygiene to the point where barely washing or not washing their hands at all is suffice? I'm sure no one steps into the shower for ten seconds before drying off so why is this okay?
This isn't okay and here are a few reasons why:

• The number of germs on your fingertips doubles after you use the toilet.
• There can be between 2 and 10 million bacteria from fingertip to the base of your hand.
• 800 new food poisoning cases occur every hour in Australia.
• One in six "wash" their hands with a quick rinse of cold running water.

If people continue to do this is will render taps obsolete and put Royal Doulton out of business. Do you want that on your conscience?

Operation Waltzing Matilda

Only a quick note this week. I want to draw your attention to this link: http://www.seashepherd.org/news-and-media/news-100412-1.html, which highlights the success of Operation Waltzing Matilda - Sea Shepherd's Whale Defense Campaign. 528 whales were saved during this operation, which is their "biggest impact on the whale quota to date".
Sea Shepherd's work is vital and is only possible with the help of the worldwide community. Please help if you can at this page http://www.seashepherd.org/support-us/ and to show we're serious we will donate 50% of t-shirt profits to Sea Shepherd this week only.

Very Much Hurtings My Brainings

We've touched on this before but it's worth going over a little more thoroughly as it's a vital issue in today's society and well, it annoys me.

The title refers to the clutter you receive in your inbox, often daily, offering great new products at a great price. What these products are is anyone's guess as the writer employs hyperbole and a use of English reserved for day one at (a special) primary school.

Read the following email received in the bollocks inbox recently then we shall discuss further.

Hi friend,

-  Do you want to save more of your time and to buy more preferential prices of goods satisfy you? do you want your transactions more secure?Then please visit my website. my company have all kinds of products and price concessions,We only accept Paypal transactions : )

-  Welcome to(Accept paypal)website:( tranfast.net )
-  We are the exoprting wholesale company,we supply including:shoes bags,clothes,belt and so on.and we can give  you a best price. we are looking for business,Our company accept paypal payment,Top quality with original packing.please be sure of your purchase. and please contact with us

-  Good luck to you every day......

Now because the English language has been diced, blended, drank, then excreted in this example, I have several questions directed squarely at the author. Firstly, who taught you english? Secondly, who taught them English? Are you really that confident in your use of a foreign language? Proofread? When did we become friends?

I'll answer these questions for you in much the same style as your e-marketing nonsense. Donkey, very much happy goodness, overcast with a chance of rain, Michael J. Fox, big byes many and.

If you can't even spell brand names correctly on your website (Christan Audigie), how do you suppose you will gain my business by email? So please do not contact me. After all, even you state: "Our target customers are from Western Europe and the North of America". We sometimes call this Canada by the way.

Harakiri or Kekiri?

In news this week, a Hong Kong man has attempted to kill himself by entering a cucumber into his anus. 62-year old Chin Wei stated he inserted the elongated fruit as a self-improvised method of seppuku or harakiri - the ancient Japanese ritual in which one sinks a short blade into the abdomen.
Or at least that's what I'd have said.
When questions inevitably began to be asked, the truth wouldn't have been so easy to spit out. Especially when it was the man's daughter who found him. You can imagine that conversation as she comforted him at his hospital bedside:
Daughter: So why'd you have a cucumber sticking out of your arse earlier?
Chin Wei: What? Sorry? Me?
Daughter: Yeah you. You had it well up there. Anything I should know?
Chin Wei: Ohhh, nooooo nothing.
Daughter: You're not ... are you?
Chin Wei: Trying to kill myself. Alright? Shall we leave it, yeah?


Even if it was a variation on harakiri, it's a little far fetched considering it was often reserved for samurai who chose to die with honour instead of being taken by the enemy. Not that much honour in being found dead with an uncut eye mask sticking out of yourself. Also, did he really think a cucumber was going to do the job? Blunt, soft and edible are all descriptions not commonly fit for a weapon capable of murder so why did Mr. Wei think differently?
The main thing is he's okay. Thank god his daughter found him in that pickle, or found that pickle in him.