The Blog is Back! For the first time in just shy of one-and-a-half years, the Bollocks Blog returns bigger and better. I was tossing up between a critique of Leo Tolstoy's The Kreutzer Sonata and a compilation of generally annoying things as the topic for this monumental occasion; opted for the latter as I have not read The Kreutzer Sonata nor had I heard of it before today.
N.B. Blog will most likely be neither bigger nor better.
5. People who cannot grasp the concept of queues. You know the type, there's a clear line in front of a cashier or ticket office and someone feigning misdirection will wander into your line of sight just in time for them to be called up as the next customer.
It's either this or they will pretend they didn't know there was a queue and sneak in from the side. Wow, we didn't see you there Mr. Ninja-man, prat.
The third variant on the queue-cheating system is significantly more blatant (as commonly practised in parts of south-east Asia). This is where after eventually getting to the front of a queue, the people behind come from all directions to completely surround you as if you are either non-existent or a placard claiming 'Next Bus Leaving In Ten Minutes'. What makes this scenario worse is that the person working behind the counter complies with this line abuse.
I'm proposing to my local member for parliament that all, ALL, queues in this country if not the world are ticketed. If a supermarket deli counter can do it why can't a 5-star hotel?
4. These Emails:
Beneficiary.
It is a profound gratitude communicating
with you through this medium. We
SUPER ENALOTTO International wish
to inform you that your em
ail address with
Ticket Number: 5-9-25-30-76-81,
Serial number 2443-05, File reference number:
EG/069713160012 won prize fund of
€515,810.00 Euros categorically
in our lottery program.
Please contact our FOREIGN TRANSFER MANAGER.
PROSEGUR SEGURIDAD. S.L.
Dr. Don. Antonio Maretti.
Telephone:+34 672 552 735.
or
GREETINGS, I seek your assistance on a business transaction that will be of mutual benefits. Kindly email me your name, company name (if any), your address, telephone and fax number. On your response, I will send you the full details and more information about myself and the funds. Kindly reply through my private email marmrtncrtt@aol.com Yours sincerely, Mr.martins Cerutti.
I am yet to receive my money, which is frustrating because I even emailed these kind people my date of birth, names of immediate family members, blood type, BSB and account number, with a photo of myself taken last holiday.
3. People still on pocket money who insist on writing autobiographies and releasing greatest hits. Case in point Miley Cyrus who in early 2009 brought out Miles To Go, the story of her life so far. Now I'm not debating that she hasn't a story to tell (as riveting as that would be), it's just that - and this is directed at the author - , if there are miles to go, leave it until you run out of gas.
But no, she's a moneymaking machine and she cannot be stopped. Which brings me to the second sad case of bad advice leading to bad decisions: Nikki Webster. The 22-year old's first album was released in August 2001. 3 years and 2 more beautifully crafted albums later she brings us The Best of Nikki Webster, 14 of her greatest (and only) tracks. Makes a good coaster.
2. Americans. This might not be the most culturally sensitive idea for a topic in a list of things that annoy me but it just has to be stated. I come across American people every day and I do encounter some genuinely nice ones ...
But, the rest may as well have been raised by something less than human, something that brings up their young to talk to fellow humans as if they're a) mentally challenged; b) from another planet; or c) less important because they're not American.
Or perhaps this is just how these people talk to each other on a daily basis. You be the judge from this example: A Hawaiian woman once called me racist because I apparently didn't understand her pathetic rant about nothing in particular. In truth she didn't understand but that didn't stop her from shouting in a busy public area, "Is it because of the colour of my skin?" The irony is that I wasn't racist before I met her but I was that much closer after.
1. Fashion. It's just not needed is it? What kind of society is dictated by some ponce in France who found a neon singlet in his closet and showed it his friend Marcel who then paraded it on the catwalk? How is it that something worn can be an ongoing source of amusement to others? "I can't believe he wore purple moccasins with a denim waist jacket and speedos." If he wants to wear it, let him. And if she wants to wear polar fleece mittens with beige leggings and an elbow piercing, let her.
I've never seen anyone wearing either of those outfits (one guy on Pitt Street came close) but you get the point. Fashion is a cyclical monster that must be ignored. If it feels good wear it, and wear it with pride.
Ah, but what about ugly people I hear you ask. That's altogether different. They must be berated at every opportunity until the uglies are gone.
