Very Much Hurtings My Brainings

We've touched on this before but it's worth going over a little more thoroughly as it's a vital issue in today's society and well, it annoys me.

The title refers to the clutter you receive in your inbox, often daily, offering great new products at a great price. What these products are is anyone's guess as the writer employs hyperbole and a use of English reserved for day one at (a special) primary school.

Read the following email received in the bollocks inbox recently then we shall discuss further.

Hi friend,

-  Do you want to save more of your time and to buy more preferential prices of goods satisfy you? do you want your transactions more secure?Then please visit my website. my company have all kinds of products and price concessions,We only accept Paypal transactions : )

-  Welcome to(Accept paypal)website:( tranfast.net )
-  We are the exoprting wholesale company,we supply including:shoes bags,clothes,belt and so on.and we can give  you a best price. we are looking for business,Our company accept paypal payment,Top quality with original packing.please be sure of your purchase. and please contact with us

-  Good luck to you every day......

Now because the English language has been diced, blended, drank, then excreted in this example, I have several questions directed squarely at the author. Firstly, who taught you english? Secondly, who taught them English? Are you really that confident in your use of a foreign language? Proofread? When did we become friends?

I'll answer these questions for you in much the same style as your e-marketing nonsense. Donkey, very much happy goodness, overcast with a chance of rain, Michael J. Fox, big byes many and.

If you can't even spell brand names correctly on your website (Christan Audigie), how do you suppose you will gain my business by email? So please do not contact me. After all, even you state: "Our target customers are from Western Europe and the North of America". We sometimes call this Canada by the way.