5 Regrets From MMIX (that's 2009 in fancy speak)

Paul Anka got it all wrong when he penned the words, "Regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention". Bollocks has had a few regrets in 2009 and just enough to mention in this here web log.
We all know what Anka rhymes with.


5. The demise of the Slovak koruna probably isn't in everyone's list of 2009 regrets but we at Bollocks feel it deserves a place here if only out of sympathy; it really was the little currency that couldn't. Lasting just over fourteen years, Slovakia's currency was shunted on January 1st for the Euro (bully).
It really is a travesty but luckily korunas can be exchanged at your local NBS (National Bank of Slovakia) branch until 2013. Phew!


4. This petition was rejected by the British government:
'We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Protect British Culture - Protect British Boosh.' This was rejected as it is not inside the remit of the government but it should be. American broadcasters are bidding for rights to make a local version of the Mighty Boosh which is a hideous idea but this goes much deeper than Boosh. For too long Yanks have been stealing ideas and making shoddy attempts at British (and Australian - Kath and Kim is one shining example) shows, most of which were originally intended as comedies but become something far more sinister in the home of the brave.
Kirstie Alley was cast in a pilot for a remake of The Vicar of Dibley reimagined as The Minister Of Devine, which hardly deserves to be set in italics because it doesn't exist. Executives stated the show lacked a crucial quality - it wasn't funny. And that's saying something judging by the tripe they allow on American television.
Germans aren't exempt from this either, commissioning Das iTeam, their version of The IT Crowd. It was cancelled shortly after airing. Seems like they just couldn't fight facts: Germans aren't funny.


3. 2009's resolutions weren't kept which is a shame because Bollocks was really determined this year! On New Year's Day we sat down and outlined 5 things we'd like to do this year and now, 2 days from 2010, all bar four (so one) were kept. No. 5 was easy on paper - grow a beard, but proved harder than Kanye keeping his opinions to himself. In at No. 4 we had 'give country music a go'. We boiled the kettle, sat down and put on Keith Urban's Somebody Like You. The music stopped at the line "I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made". Glad you could forgive yourself Keithy, we couldn't.
No. 3 stated we had to watch a sunrise. Suffice to say we didn't and settled instead for Channel 7's Sunrise. You have to get up just as early and it's just as painful to watch for prolonged periods. Mission No. 2 for this year was to finish a cryptic crossword. One of many clues that stumped us was 'Greetings Mrs Marples (said to be an unprepossessing creature)'. Quit the riddles and say what you mean crossword!
Admittedly the one resolution we kept was never in doubt, but in hindsight doesn't actually make any sense. It read 'don't break this resolution'. We're still scratching our heads.


2. Revelation is Peter Andre's "comeback" album. Peter, mate, wherever you've come back from, could you not have stayed there? Bollocks cannot verify this but we heard you were in prison for three years for abuse to music. Please confirm or deny.
We have not listened to the album, having only briefly considered purchase for use as a coaster, but can tell by song titles alone that this is a ripper of a release. Track four, The Way You Move (Up In Here) shows Pete's party side, track eight Outta Control shows his rebellious side (see what he did there joining 'out' and 'of' together? Such a bad ass), and track nine displays his lovin' side: XOXO.
For us he hits the nail on the head with track six, Go Back. Ponce.


1. This guy:

Two years since his inauguration and Bollocks still cannot find the words to aptly describe Kevin Michael Rudd. The closest we can come is smarmy prat.

Forget Whaling For Five Minutes...

Just a short one this week.


With all the focus on whaling and its negative impacts, some may not realise the effects that shark hunting is having. Check out this link to see what I'm talking about: http://seashepherds.ning.com/group/SharkShepherds/forum/topics/operation-trident-sos-now
It is a call to action from the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society (SSCS) regarding NOW Foods and its production of Shark Cartilage Caps which as SSCS puts it "are seriously causing negative impacts on the ocean's ecosystem and ... massive decline of 250 targeted shark species that are now threatened or endangered". To their credit Nutrition House and Holista Health (two of the culprits) responded promptly and agreed that "any harvesting of sharks at this time creates a potential for ecological harm". They both also stated there would be a stop in purchasing Shark Cartilage raw materials and production of Shark Cartilage products.
This is of course good news but another issue continues to ravage shark populations worldwide.
Finning can be defined as the removal and retention of shark fins and the discard at sea of the carcass. Fins are a delicacy in some asian cooking, primarily shark fin soup. There are laws which prevent finning but they are obviously lax as each year 73 million sharks are killed. How long can this continue before the 440 or so species are whittled down to 200, 50, 10?


In the United States, Senator John Kerry has introduced The Shark Conservation Act which would "ban removal of shark fins at sea, close other loopholes in the current U.S. shark finning law and promote the conservation of sharks internationally". This bill is currently pending in the Senate but you can help by sending a letter to your local Senator (if you live in the US) at http://actionnetwork.org/campaign/sharkconservationact/nqrj7e7j6n?source=pewsharks
If you live in the EU visit http://www.scribd.com/doc/20481649/Shark-Alliance-Pocket-Guide-to-Helping-Sharks to assist in pushing Spain (Europe's leader in shark fishing/hunting) to stop stalling and ratify amendments in the EU constitution essential for the end to this atrocious practice.
For those in Australia, or worldwide for that matter, sign the petition at http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/400108473?ltl=1178439019 which is aiming to stop the distribution of shark fins.
If you're still not convinced by the facts or unsure whether you want to sign a petition, take a look at www.alibaba.com, search 'shark' and see what comes up. While you're there send the suppliers a message, but be polite, we wouldn't want to offend these useless twats.