Body Odour

What would you do if someone at your workplace had very noticeable body odour? Would you say something, not knowing how they'd react? Would you just complain to other workmates behind the stinker's back and do nothing? Would you drop hints? Would any of these things improve the situation or just hurt the person's feelings and ruin a working relationship? To be honest, I'm not sure what I'd do but I'd like to relate something that happened to me the other day ...
... I'm ordering a coffee from my local coffee shop when - just as I'm explaining that I want no froth on my flat white - which itself is a blog for another day - this bloke of about 50 stands right next to me. As the first wave of his odour tsunami hit my nostrils, I had to grip the counter in case I passed out. It was the worst B.O. I'd ever experienced. And I've been to India. He moved away from me to check out the pastry display and I regained my senses enough to say to the girl serving me, "Jesus, did you get a whiff of that?" She had. No sooner had the words tumbled from my gob than he was behind me, waiting to order. It was torture. Finally I got my coffee and sat outside in the fresh air to read the paper.


About an hour later I was in the supermarket next to the coffee shop when I saw Mr Stinky in the cereal and spreads aisle. I couldn't help myself ... my social conscience was pricked ... I went to the toileteries aisle and grabbed a can of home brand deodorant. I tailed Mr Stinky until his attention was taken by the myriad choices of canned tuna, and placed the deodorant in his trolley, carefully burying it under a DIY pizza and a 12-pack of Sorbent.


Did I do the right thing? I like to think so. I really hope he took it home and started using it. It's more likely that he gave it to the checkout person and said it wasn't his. But maybe I've given him a fresh new lease on life. Or at least dropped a hint ...

Self Serves No Purpose

Not many of us remember it but there was a time when a grocery store was a place of utter service. Everything was done for you; it was almost regal. Bread and Milk? Just ask the attendant to fetch it from behind the counter. He might even use a ladder to get it or would have to measure out the amount you wanted.
Then just before the WWI, this evolved into the self service store and America and the world never looked back. We now even have the hypermarket - a combination of supermarket and department store - which may in time see off its creators.
Now this, I have no problem with. Yes it is sad that the corner store is largely a thing of the past but we now have choice and convenience as never before.
What I do have a problem with is serving myself. Anywhere. If I wanted to serve myself I'd shoplift.
Some supermarkets and department stores now insist on inserting self-serve checkout lanes about their premises. I feel like we've taken a humongous step backwards here. Actually no, more like a fall sideways where you grazed your knee but thought, "I was standing perfectly still, how did that happen?".
Is this only the beginning? Will we soon have fully automated, self-stocking stores where the site of a red-haired midget named Gerald employed reluctantly under equal opportunity by the 19-year old manager Mischa is a thing of the past? No more asking where toilet paper is only for the unshaven Steve to shrug and continue listening to Slipknot whilst stacking Weet-Bix? An end to having a the hirsute George wipe his forehead ungloved before handling your six slices of devon?
Well there's good news here. As long as there's credit cards, faulty technology and idiots, there'll be staff to happily serve you. There may only be one, and he may take twelve minutes, but there's staff nonetheless. And it's fair enough too - he was checking everyone's signatures and helping them insert their hard-earned into the ridiculously-difficult-to-use coin machine. Hey come on, don't rush him! He's currently escorting the local special lad Petey out after he shoved croutons down his pants for the third time this week.
Hmmm, not so self serve after all.
The saddest part of this is that tomorrow's youth will stare blankly at the screen when you show them this sketch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz2-ukrd2VQ
What a world we live in.